Queen of Sorcery: Condensed!
by Jacqueline Sherry
Summary: Garion is mad at the world. The plot appears spontaneously. Everyone loves Silk. Belgarath drinks some ale. All is contained in this piece! These are not Cliff Notes and never will be, no matter how much you pay me.
1. Prologue

[A/N: I do not own any part of _Queen of Sorcery_. It is copyright by David Eddings. Just because I make fun of this book does not mean that I dislike it. Silk is still the best character.]

PROLOGUE

Brand almost kills Kal Torak, but not quite. The leaders of a bunch of countries plan Garion's future marriage. This will cause Garion much angst later on.


	2. Part One: Arendia

[A/N: I do not own any part of _Queen of Sorcery_. It is copyright by David Eddings. Just because I make fun of this book does not mean that I dislike it. Silk is still the best character.]

PART ONE: ARENDIA

Chapter One

Polgara is sad that Vo Wacune was destroyed 24 centuries ago. Nobody else cares. Garion listens to two serfs talking about eating shoes and tree roots. He gets mad and so attacks Lelldorin. Luckily, Lelldorin is too stupid to hold a grudge.

Chapter Two

The troupe members discuss where they are wandering next, and Belgarath explains stuff about sorcery and Zedar the Apostate.

Chapter Three

Silk pretends to be someone he's not so that he won't be arrested and murdered bloodily. The troupe goes to the Count Reldegen's house. Reldegen is Lelldorin's uncle, but it doesn't really matter. Lelldorin stupidly tells Garion that he and his cousin Torasin are planning to kill the King of Arendia. Garion somehow has brains temporarily and knows that they are being manipulated by some Murgo guy named Nachak.

Chapter Four

Garion and Lelldorin see serfs, whom David Eddings likens to the non-landowning clayeaters in the antebellum South. Lelldorin knows he is being manipulated by Nachak but decides that he wants to keep it that way. There is another failed attempt on Garion's life. Garion goes to sleep.

Chapter Five

Garion sees Belgarath and Polgara shapeshift. This only happens so that any obtuse readers will finally realize that they are sorcerers. For the non-obtuse readers, it is pretty much pointless. The troupe sees more serfs because David Eddings feels like it.

Chapter Six

Lelldorin continues to be stupid. The troupe is attacked by Algroths and Lelldorin is wounded by one. Mandorallen shows up to save everyone's butts. David Eddings proceeds to use Mandorallen to flaunt his knowledge of Elizabethan English for the rest of the series.

Chapter Seven

Mandorallen jousts his way into the castle of Baron Oltorain. It is reminiscent on a Renaissance Faire. Lelldorin stays at the Baron Oltorain's castle to heal and because he's got the hots for Ariana, thus completely defeating the whole purpose of the troupe's gallivanting off to find him.

Chapter Eight

The troupe goes to the Arendish Fair, where Silks predations are broadly ecumenical. They see Brill the Ubiquitous One and find out that there is a bunch of hostile Murgos there, so they leave.

Chapter Nine

Garion forgets who the troupe members are, and then he remembers. He finally decides to tell Belgarath and Polgara about his stalker. Mandorallen has girlfriend problems. Nobody cares. They go to Vo Mimbre.

Chapter Ten

Some people talk in Elizabethan English. The reader either laughs at them or goes to sleep. The troupe goes to see King Korodullin and Queen Mayaserana of Arendia. Garion tells everyone about Nachak, who is conveniently right there. Lots of people start up a tavern brawl in the throne room, in which Nachak is bloodily killed. Hettar laughs at his misfortune.

Chapter Eleven

Some girl tries to track Garion down and marry him, but she runs away when Polgara says that he's insane. Mandorallen feels sad because of his girlfriend problems. Nobody really cares except for maybe Garion a little bit, but he forgets about it within two seconds.


	3. Part Two: Tolnedra

[A/N: I do not own any part of _Queen of Sorcery_. It is copyright by David Eddings. Just because I make fun of this book does not mean that I dislike it. Silk is still the best character.]

PART TWO: TOLNEDRA

Chapter Twelve 

Some weird stuff happens. It is obvious to the reader who Garion really is, but Garion is too stupid to realize it for himself. David Eddings laughs at the fact that he has made Garion stupid.

Chapter Thirteen 

The troupe members see Brill the Ubiquitous One again. Then they get captured by some random guy.

Chapter Fourteen 

They escape.

Chapter Fifteen 

The troupe arrives at Tol Honeth. Polgara and Belgarath argue about fashion.

Chapter Sixteen 

The troupe members meet Emperor Ran Borune. Belgarath and Polgara tell him that Murgos are infiltrating Tolnedra and will a fat problem when Torak wakes up. Ran Borune pretends not to listen. Ce'Nedra shows up and is bratty. Asharak the Murgo stalker a.k.a. Chamdar shows up, but does nothing.

Chapter Seventeen 

Some random guy is poisoned because he isn't in the same political party as his murderers. Bethra the spy/assassin/prostitute shows up and tells the troupe that Asharak/Chamdar is supposedly working for Ctuchik of the Unpronounceable Name, but not really, and that he is controlling Grand Duke Kador, who is closest to becoming the next emperor. The reader is either completely fascinated or utterly confused. Belgarath drinks some ale.

Chapter Eighteen 

The troupe leaves Tol Honeth. Princess Ce'Nedra posing as some random person shows up with Jeebers the tutor. Jeebers suddenly realizes that he could be charged for kidnap and so runs away. Ce'Nedra is very bratty.

Chapter Nineteen 

The troupe goes into the Wood of the Dryads. Ce'Nedra tries to flirt with Garion while naked. Garion tries to be prim.

Chapter Twenty 

Some clay men attack, only they're actually snakes sent by Salmissra with lots of mud and clay all over them. Durnik is obviously in love with Polgara. Everyone either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

Chapter Twenty-One 

Some Dryads show up. They tell the troupe members that Zedar went through the Wood a week before with a little boy. The plot comes out of hiding and thickens. Ce'Nedra starts crying brattily because she has to be part of the troupe. The reader thinks she's been spoiled just a _tad_ too long.

Chapter Twenty-Two 

Mandorallen is afraid that he will be afraid while fighting hypothetical enemies. Grand Duke Kador shows up spontaneously. He tries to kill Ce'Nedra, but fails. Asharak/Chamdar shows up. Garion starts talking to the voice in his head. He kills Asharak/Chamdar when he finds out that Asharak/Chamdar killed his parents. Garion's future is blatantly obvious to the reader, but somehow not to him or anyone else who doesn't already know. Oh, the dramatic irony.


	4. Part Three: Nyissa

[A/N: I do not own any part of _Queen of Sorcery_. It is copyright by David Eddings. Just because I make fun of this book does not mean that I dislike it. Silk is still the best character.]

PART THREE: NYISSA

Chapter Twenty-Three

The troupe gets on Captain Greldik's ship, set sail for Nyissa. Garion is mad at Polgara because he can do sorcery, even though most people his age would kill to be able to do sorcery. Ce'Nedra starts teaching Garion how to read. Garion hates the world because he doesn't want to be a sorcerer.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The troupe arrives at Sthiss Tor. They go see some Drasnian guy named Droblek, who tells them nothing. It is humid and icky.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Garion and Ce'Nedra argue a lot. Garion is also attracted to her. They are obviously going to hook up. A bunch of Arendish serfs are sold as slaves. Garion uses sorcery to save a leech-covered slave, although he doesn't want to be a sorcerer. The slave dies anyway. Garion and Polgara fight. Garion loses but doesn't want to admit it.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Garion regrets killing Asharak/Chamdar. He and Ce'Nedra argue some more. Garion is abducted.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Some guys named Issus takes Garion to Sadi the eunuch. Sadi drugs Garion so that he will give information under interrogation. Sadi brings Garion to Salmissra, who tries to hit on him. A snake kills Essia the manwhore. Eunuchs chant. The reader laughs at Essia's misfortune.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Salmissra plans to do stuff to Garion that can't be mentioned by name in a PG-rated piece. A Grolim shows up so that the book won't go X-rated. Maas the snake tries to take off Garion's amulet. Maas's nose and the amulet become one. Maas dies. There is an eclipse. People freak out.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It isn't an eclipse. People think it's EVIL. Barak is a bear again. Garion un-drugs himself by temporarily turning his blood to mustard. Polgara turns Salmissra into an anaconda.

Chapter Thirty

The not-an-eclipse turns out to be a bunch of ash from a volcano. Everyone is in serious danger of contracting pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. There is lots of chaos. Garion still doesn't want to be a sorcerer. Barak almost kills himself, but doesn't. Ce'Nedra gets mad because she's not the prettiest one of them all. A tree falls on Belgarath. Silk laughs at his misfortune. The reader loves Silk.

THE END


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